Kamala Harris Book Tour 107 Days of Failure Goes Public

Just when you thought it was safe to open your laptop without hearing that cackle Kamala Harris has returned Not with a plan Not with a vision No she’s back with a book because when you can’t win an election you might as well sell paperbacks The title 107 Days And no that’s not the number of laughs she got on the campaign trail That’s the length of her disastrous presidential run Shortest campaign in modern history longest lasting embarrassment

107 Days Of Losing Now Bound And Printed

According to Kamala these 107 days were intense high stakes and deeply personal Translation 107 days of flying across the country discovering that even Democrats weren’t interested This book is being sold as a journal but let’s be real the only thing intense about that campaign was how intensely the voters rejected it

Margarita Memoirs And TikTok Tricks

While most people assumed Kamala was sitting on a beach somewhere with a margarita and to be fair that was probably true she claims she was hard at work writing this book And to sell it TikTok trends Nothing says I’m in touch with the kids like a 60 year old politician doing lip sync videos Pro tip Kamala TikTok can’t fix unlikable

The Colbert Comeback Tour If You Can Call It That

To launch this epic book Kamala chose The Late Show with Stephen Colbert Bold strategy Colbert’s ratings are tanking so fast that Greg Gutfeld who airs at 10 PM is beating him by nearly a million viewers That’s right Kamala decided to relaunch her brand on a show that America decided to stop watching Perfect

The Broken System Excuse

During her sit down with Colbert Kamala dusted off an old excuse she says she’s not running for office again because the system is broken Apparently the system is only broken when you lose It wasn’t broken when she was campaigning It wasn’t broken when she was trying to ride Biden’s coattails Only when the voters said Nah we’re good did Kamala have an epiphany Spoiler the only broken thing here is her approval rating

Joe Biden The Human Shield

Colbert asked the obvious What happened in that debate Kamala’s answer She didn’t answer Instead she launched into a Hallmark greeting card about Joe Biden being a wonderful law respecting president It was so syrupy you could pour it over pancakes She dodged faster than a kid avoiding chores proving once again that dodging questions is her Olympic sport

Leadership What Leadership

Next up Colbert asked the question Democrats dread Who’s leading your party right now And Kamala gave the political equivalent of I forgot to do the homework She said there are lots of leaders and that we shouldn’t rely on any one person Translation There is no leader The Democratic Party right now is like a group project where everyone’s hiding behind the smart kid and even the smart kid dropped out

The Big Reveal Doug Didn’t Get A Gift

You know what’s going to sell this book A juicy personal anecdote right Maybe some inside dirt Nope Kamala teases that Doug her husband dropped the ball on her birthday because the election was coming up That’s it That’s the big plot twist Move over Watergate we’ve got Birthdaygate America was on the edge of its seat to find out that the First Gentleman of Kamalastan didn’t buy a card

The Cackle Heard Round The Studio

Of course no Kamala performance is complete without The Cackle The moment Doug’s name came up the studio was treated to that world famous high pitched laugh that sounds like a hyena choking on a kazoo Pro tip If you’re trying to look presidential maybe avoid laughing like a Bond villain after every sentence

Why This Matters

Kamala Harris isn’t just trying to sell books She’s trying to sell herself as the future of the Democratic Party a party that is currently leaderless rudderless and desperate And if her big plan involves TikTok dances and awkward TV interviews 2028 is going to be even worse than 107 days

Final Thought 107 Days Was 107 Days Too Long

The Kamala Harris book tour is the sequel nobody asked for Between TikTok trends Colbert pity parties and the revelation that Doug forgot her birthday it’s clear this comeback tour is already a flop The Democratic Party might want to find a leader who doesn’t need a ghostwriter a TikTok filter and a cackle translator just to survive an interview

WE’D LOVE TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS PLEASE COMMENT BELOW
JIMMY

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h/t: Steadfast and Loyal

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