Well, folks, it looks like Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi are packing their bags and saying “cheerio” to America, all because the Bad Orange Man is back. Yes, the couple has left their multimillion-dollar California mansion for the quaint Cotswolds in England, where they can sip tea, read tabloids, and live out their days far from the grasp of Trumpocalypse.
The Elite Exodus
Apparently, Trump’s re-election was just too much for the Hollywood elite to bear. Ellen and Portia sold their Montecito home in August for a staggering $96 million—because nothing screams “I’m oppressed” like a nine-figure payday. Rumor has it the Cotswolds, a charming rural area in England, offers the kind of tranquility you can’t find in liberal California anymore, even with all its strict zoning laws and Priuses.
But let’s be real—was this really about Trump? The house was sold months before the election results. Seems like someone was hedging their bets just in case Kamala didn’t deliver the promised land.
Ellen’s Farewell Tour (For Real This Time?)
Ellen didn’t just leave the country; she left her career in flames. After her talk show ended in 2022 amid allegations of a toxic workplace, she tried to rebuild with her Netflix comedy special, For Your Approval. During the special, Ellen lamented being “kicked out of show business,” claiming she was a victim of a cancel culture she wholeheartedly supported until it came for her.
She told her audience she’s done worrying about what people think of her. Bold words from someone whose entire career depended on dancing around like a puppet for applause.
Hollywood Hypocrisy
It’s no surprise Ellen isn’t the first celebrity to threaten to leave the country over Trump—and she’s one of the rare few who actually followed through. Cher, Streisand, and the usual cast of Hollywood characters have been threatening to flee for years, yet somehow, they all manage to stick around for their beachfront mansions and catered galas.
When pressed, most of these celebrities turn their “threats” into punchlines. Cher said she “almost got an ulcer” when Trump won last time, yet still managed to stick around long enough to tweet about it incessantly.
But not Ellen and Portia—no, they’re taking the plunge. We can only imagine the UK is thrilled to receive a couple of Hollywood elites ready to lecture them on everything from Brexit to climate change.
The Real America
What these celebrities don’t understand is that their opinions don’t matter to the average American. They see Trump’s victory as proof that their cocktail-party politics don’t resonate with real people. Americans aren’t crying over Ellen leaving; they’re laughing at the absurdity of it all.
Goodbye and good riddance, Ellen and Portia. America will soldier on without you and your multimillion-dollar mansions. But please, don’t let the door hit you on the way out—those are custom-imported mahogany, and repairs are pricey.
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JIMMY
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h/t: Steadfast and Loyal
Great. Hope more of those idiots leave.